- Feeling other people’s feelings and not even knowing that they are not your own.
- Feeling responsible for the other person’s negative emotional state and obsessing about how you can make them feel better.
- Being angry at other people for having feelings that are uncomfortable for you (anger, sadness, etc.).
- Agreeing to do a favor for someone when you really did not want to, and then feeling resentful.
- Not being able to recognize when people are being abusive and cross over your boundaries.
- Telling someone what they are feeling, thinking, believing (what their reality is).
- Pressuring someone else to do something they don’t want to do.
- Making physical contact with someone and not noticing or caring about their obvious discomfort.
- Getting closer to another person than they feel comfortable with and not noticing their discomfort (“invading their space”).
- Invading other people’s privacy (e.g. reading their mail, their diary, interrogating them when they say they don’t want to talk about something).
- Borrowing someone’s personal property (e.g. a roommate’s clothes, someone’s books, etc.) without asking.
- Asking inappropriate favors or favors at inappropriate times.
- Telling dirty jokes to people who are obviously uncomfortable with that.
- Not being able to recognize and accept another person as a separate entity—assuming they think, feel and view the world exactly as you do.
- Not being able to accept another person having a different point of view, because it must mean either you or they are wrong.
- Trying to control other people or being easily controlled by others.
- Either getting enmeshed in relationships or being anti-dependent.
- Not knowing or not being able to let people know what is “OK” and “NOT OK” physical and sexual contact.
- Confusing past issues with current issues—thinking you are mad at the person in front of you when it is someone in your past you are really reacting to.
- Taking responsibility for other people’s dysfunctional behavior and their projecting behavior onto you.
- Taking responsibility for the consequences of another person’s decisions.
- Not being able to accept your anger without coming up with a reason for it (i.e. what the other person did wrong or some other rational reason).
- Blaming others for your feelings.
- Not being able to say “no” to someone’s request without feeling guilty and that you are a bad person.
- Being easily guilt-trapped or guilt-trapping others.
- “Buying” people’s perceptions and opinions of you without deciding if they fit your reality.
- Sharing personal information with someone you just met or other inappropriate levels of self-disclosure.
- Feeling like you have to answer any and all questions that someone is asking you.
- Expecting or pressuring another person to share information they are not ready to.
- Not being able to share your internal world with someone who is safe.
- Not being able to discern who is “safe” and who is not.
- Not being able to identify who is responsible for what in a conflict and whose problem it is.
- Not knowing what your needs and wants are.
- Not knowing what your beliefs, values and likes are—having no real sense of identity.
- Not being able to accept the other person’s right to say “no” to you.
- Not being able to accept the other person’s right to not like you.
