Good Boundaries

What happens when you get good boundaries:

1. You are able to recognize what are your own feelings and what are the other person’s feelings.
2. You are able to be around someone else who is feeling intense feelings without taking them on.
3. You are able to identify when you are reacting to “old baggage” (feelings about childhood trauma) as opposed to what is going on in the present.
4. You are able to recognize what is acceptable treatment and let the other person know if he/she is not treating you in an acceptable way.
5. You know what is acceptable touch by whom and what is not, and can let the other person know what is acceptable to you.
6. You know when you are being offended (either physically or emotionally) and are able to stop that.
7. You are able to distinguish between “safe” and “unsafe” people.
8. You are able to determine what your responsibility is in a conflict and what is the other person’s.
9. You are able to say “no” without feeling guilty.
10. People are not able to guilt-trip you.
11. You are able to determine what is an appropriate level of self-disclosure with a particular person in a particular situation.
12. You are able to respect the other person’s right to privacy—to his/her internal world of thoughts and feelings.
13. You are able to identify what your needs are and to ask for what you need in a direct, respectful way.
14. You are able to recognize what you believe, what you like to do and don’t like to do, your preferences, your interests—you “know who you are.”
15. You are able to recognize that the other person is a different person; they are not an extension of you, nor do they experience the world the same way you do.
16. You are able to accept another person’s right to be different from you.
17. You recognize the other person’s right to refuse a request by you.
18. You recognize the other person’s right to not like you.
19. You don’t live and die depending on whether someone likes you or not.