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What happens when you get good boundaries:
- You are able to recognize what are your own feelings and what are the other person’s feelings.
- You are able to be around someone else who is feeling intense feelings without taking them on.
- You are able to identify when you are reacting to “old baggage” (feelings about childhood trauma) as opposed to what is going on in the present.
- You are able to recognize what is acceptable treatment and let the other person know if he/she is not treating you in an acceptable way.
- You know what is acceptable touch by whom and what is not, and can let the other person know what is acceptable to you.
- You know when you are being offended (either physically or emotionally) and are able to stop that.
- You are able to distinguish between “safe” and “unsafe” people.
- You are able to determine what your responsibility is in a conflict and what is the other person’s.
- You are able to say “no” without feeling guilty.
- People are not able to guilt-trip you.
- You are able to determine what is an appropriate level of self-disclosure with a particular person in a particular situation.
- You are able to respect the other person’s right to privacy—to his/her internal world of thoughts and feelings.
- You are able to identify what your needs are and to ask for what you need in a direct, respectful way.
- You are able to recognize what you believe, what you like to do and don’t like to do, your preferences, your interests—you “know who you are.”
- You are able to recognize that the other person is a different person; they are not an extension of you, nor do they experience the world the same way you do.
- You are able to accept another person’s right to be different from you.
- You recognize the other person’s right to refuse a request by you.
- You recognize the other person’s right to not like you.
- You don’t live and die depending on whether someone likes you or not.