Creating and sticking to rules when having an argument is the key to maintaining healthy communication and finding sound resolution. Follow these rules to ensure safe arguments.

  1. Stick to the problem.
  2. Do not bring up things from the past.
  3. Argue but resolve not to be right.
  4. Use “I feel” statements.
  5. Do not be accusatory.
  6. Do not take everything as a personal attack.
  7. Check in with each other.
  8. Do not let your tone escalate, breathe instead.
  9. Take timeouts if you feel like the argument is getting too heated or emotional.
  10. Listen to understand, not to respond or rebut.
  11. Do not freeze your partner out or shut down. If you feel the need for space, ask for a time out.
  12. No yelling!
  13. No name calling!
  14. No throwing objects, pushing, shoving, etc.
  15. No talking over each other.
  16. No arguments when either party is under the influence of drugs or alcohol.
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